Off Campus is Relationship Propaganda

and maybe even I'm falling for it...

He smiled. I blushed. And smiled back.

And then I caught myself - I was smiling back at a fictional character on the tv screen as I sat at home in my pyjamas working on my new crafts project on a Friday night.

Damn. So soon after Conrad Fisher?

Like pretty much the entire female population aged 16 to 44, I’ve been completely hooked by the new Amazon Prime book adaptation series Off Campus. So deeply hooked that I binged the full 8 episodes last Thursday and Friday nights, only to rewatch the full season again the very next day. I was, and still am, a woman possessed.

Do casting directors get nominated for Oscars? Because the ones for Off Campus should. The men are all so incredibly… hot. Like, all of them. Even the blonde one. Actually, especially the blonde one (and you know how booktok feels about blondes) If I was in the market for a boyfriend (more on that shortly) I’d be willing to pay them a decent commission to find one for me. Because my god, I’ve never seen such a smorgasbord of sexy men. And I’ve been to Magic Mike before. Twice.

Not only are they hot, the characters they play are all seemingly decent guys. Not perfect - still flawed characters with family trauma, a hint of anger issues, and a heavy dose of womanising you can only forgive hot horny college students for. But compared to high school and college shows of my era where romantic male leads sexually assaulted people (Chuck Bass I’m looking at you) and would often be somewhat downright villainous, the male cast offered a sigh of relief without it feeling too… sanitised.

If you watched this series and contemplated redownloading dating apps - don’t worry, you weren’t the only one. My thumbs hovered over reinstating my Raya subscription before I reminded myself: these men are fictional characters, written by women for a college romance series, and Raya is full of wannabe DJ’s that listen to Stephen Bartlett podcasts. I saved myself £22.99 and carried on daydreaming at the television instead.

The truth is, when it comes to real life romance, I haven’t had a crush since January. And that lasted a whole 36 hours before the guy did something that made me think “nope.” I’ve had a couple of fleeting day crushes that disappeared as quickly as they began (in other words, as soon as a guy turned the convo sexual too early, negged me, or texted with zero enthusiasm or questions or actual conversation, yet still expected a response…)

I, like many women right now, am “uncrushable” - I cannot for the life of me get a crush that lasts longer than 36 hours. A few reasons being (tick them off as you go if you relate please)

1. The older I’ve got, the higher my standards are

2. The longer I’ve been single, the better my peace is and I don’t want it disturbing

3. Probs some avoidance and commitment issues (this next relationship at my big age should/ could be VERY serious and that is VERY scary)

4. I don’t want to hurt someone or waste someone’s time merely for some personal validation and dopamine on demand.

5. I’m focusing on friendships and career and hobbies. Like, romcoms about 20 year olds. And bead embroidery.

6. I cant find anybody crushable enough (see point 1)

Not wanting a relationship as a woman isn’t revolutionary. It’s widely documented anecdotally, across social media (at least on my single girl algorithm) and probably somewhere on psychologytoday.com about how so many women are staying single these days. And we’re happy about it!

Chante Joseph’s viral Vogue article on boyfriends being embarrassing capitalised on a movement that has been felt for some time, but until she hit Vogue up with that piece, had never been well articulated. It snowballed the movement into something even bigger. Yes I’m biased as I was quoted in that article… but it stood for so much for me. The fact so many women are so fulfilled without relationships and dating. The fear is that dating is going to mess with my mental ph level and everything’s gonna be all unbalanced. Nope. I’m checking out.

But then I sat down and watched Off Campus. And I finally felt the rushing excitement and kicking-your-feet-giggling-dopamine-rush of a crush. About someone who isn’t even real.

This show has done two contradictory things to me: resurrected the lovergirl in me who I thought was as long dead. And it’s raised my expectations so high I will most likely do what the Incels say: die alone. Because these men are literally so hot, and also nice.

They yearn for the women they want. They fall for them loudly and proudly. Dean and Garrett really see Allie and Hannah for who they are, not for the image of them they’ve projected onto them or as surface level concepts. They talk about consent to each other. Focus on the woman’s pleasure. Make the women around them feel comfortable. Dive into musical theatre. Pay attention to small things like body language and other non-verbal cues. Care for each other as guys. Own their shit. It’s positive masculinity and it’s sexy. And the reality is most men IRL… just don’t do that.

So essentially, it’s turning me on to the concept of men, whilst raising the bar so that I will inevitably be disappointed.

I’ve decided that these shows are essentially propaganda for relationships. Miley Cyrus said in a 2014 interview “Guys watch too much porn. Those girls don’t exist. They’re not real girls. That’s like us watching romance movies. That’s girl porn, because, like, those guys do not exist.” And… she’s not wrong. Women have become obsessed with romantasy, fictional characters in shows like The Summer I Turned Pretty - all of it featuring men written by women who YEARN for the women they desire. It shows how much, despite the podcast bros talking about push/pull methods and how to treat women badly or act toxic to keep them there, what women want is someone… shock horror… who treats them right and is open and empathetic to lived female experience.

(Maybe the podcast bros were right about the good gym bodies though can’t fight them on that…)

Part of me is wondering is this the good PR that men have so desperately needed after singleness for women has become a status symbol? Will the pendulum finally swing back? Or will we just all download dating apps again, bravely march back out onto the frontlines expecting to find a Dean Di Laurentis and Garrett Graham and find ourselves… stuck in the trenches again?

I don’t know. I don’t really care. I’m too busy on my third rewatch of Off Campus.